But for the grace of God ground out I

So a couple weeks ago I was watching a Cubs game and inexplicably Neifi Perez hit a double. Now even though the entire team sucks, Neifi Perez happens to be one of my favorite scapegoats in that he appears to have pictures of someone in a high position, since no one who sucks that much should play so much. The one thing I will say for him is that if my life ever depended on someone grounding to second, I'd choose Neifi Perez. (Although Juan Pierre is starting to give him a run).

Anyway, so Neifi Perez hits a double, gets up and points to the sky. Evidently, he is thanking something in the sky, perhaps the moon, but most likely God, for his double. "What a humble guy," I thought to myself, immediately after composed myself from laughing hysterically that someone had given up a double to Neifi Perez. However, the "good feeling" subsided once I started to think. And isn't that the way it always works?

Once you step outside the moment, this becomes an extravagant mixture of hilarious and ridiculous. What exactly constitutes Neifi Perez’s belief system as far as how God factors into his play. Neifi Perez is hitting .192. If he thanks God for making him hit a double, is he pissed off that God makes him suck? Admittedly, we’re talking major league standards here, so he’s still better than the population at large and most of the minor leagues, but still, when Neifi Perez says his prayers, does he thank God for giving him the talent to play major league baseball, just not enough to make him good in major league baseball?

Does Neifi Perez believe, like many do to rationalize shit, that God has a master plan for him and for everyone, so whatever happens to him is part of that plan. And for whatever reason, God’s plan is for him to hit .192? He didn’t bunt that ball back to Chad Cordero last Thursday to end the game because he was taking a payoff; he did it because God wanted the Cubs to lose that game and God had special plans for Neifi as to his role in how they would lose. Perhaps he’s happy when he grounds to second because he’s doing God’s will.

There was an old standup routine by … I think it was Jeff Stilson, but feel free to correct me, about how players thank God for success, but never blame God for failure. The punchline was, “We were doing great until Jesus made me fumble. He HATES our team!” But Stilson was still dealing in the realm of the star players. Who’s taken the time to consider the theological makeup of the scrub?

Here’s my most pressing question. How does Neifi Perez’s faith account for players that are much better than he is? Does God just like Albert Pujols that much more? Admittedly, I was the kid growing up who’d bitch that his brother always got the bigger piece of cake, but if I were Neifi, I’d be pretty pissed off about that. And how does Neifi Perez coincide God and steroids. For instance, his former teammate Barry Bonds is way fucking better than he is, and then he goes on the juice. Does God like Barry Bonds that much more to begin with, but is now pissed off that Barry Bonds is cheating? Or is it part of God’s plan for Barry Bonds to take steroids, much like it is for Neifi Perez to hit .192?

I admit I’ve been rather glib up until this point, but since I’ve been taking the time to think about it, I legitimately am curious. If you or someone you know or someone you’ve studied or know something about attributes your, his, or her successes to God, what’s the bigger picture view on this when you or they start taking others and relative levels of success into account. I promise not to make fun of you. I just really want to know.