Enjoy your spaghetti; you're very egotistical

This ain't the first time. I called you out again. You spent all your time ... in a little cubicle. In a cubicle! Time for Musings!

- I cannot get that fucking song unstuck from my head. You know, from the newest ITunes commercials. If you've encountered me in the past 4 days, chances are I was singing it. Out loud. And poorly. Considering I've been in a down mood for the past 4 days, I hope it's just a coincidence. But on the off chance it isn't, someone please unstick it!
- It's been yet another tough week to be a Cubs fan. On top of just plain sucking, some drunken strumpet decided to chuck a baseball at right fielder Jacque Jones (or as I call him, "Jackee," as in the annoying 227 and Hollywood Squares chick from the '80s). How fucking stupid does one have to be to pull shit like that? I have no idea how she got off without even a slap on the wrist. Seriously, I know the Cubs suck, and it's a bummer. And this season's over and next season I turn 30. But at the risk of the biggest cliche ever, it's only a game. If you're upset enough about the Cubs sucking that you feel the need to try to injure them, you have a problem and don't deserve to call yourself a fan; you're just a psycho. The most frustrating part for me is the attempted evening of the score between incidents for Cubs and White Sox fans. Any sane person knows that perfectly cool, knowledgeable, non-idiot fans reside on both sides, but as a Cubs fan, it was nice to have the William Ligue family to hold over the Sox. Even if they don't shrug it off the way I do about the stereotypes of what I called "douchebag "fans"" at Wrigley, because I don't like them either, and can't defend it. So couldn't you have at least let me keep that, you stupid whore!
- Making matters worse, I know that Choi and I fall on opposite sides of this despite both being huge Cubs fans, but on Saturday, Cubs catcher Michael Barrett saw fit to jack White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski in the face. Like Barrett was Dane Cook and A.J. was a bee. Sadly, the video's down, but it looked a bit like this: http://www.sportsfrog.com/archives/2006_05.html#009129. Yeah, it was kinda fun to watch, but you just can't pull that shit, especially when you're one of the only players the Cubs have that doesn't completely blow. I'm hearing a 10-game suspension rumored and the Cubs backup catcher is the .050 (you heard correctly) hitting Henry Blanco, aka "Hank the Blank." I know Barrett was just plain pissed off that the Cubs were getting their asses handed to them again and I know I'm not always the most even-tempered person (which makes it good that I was a swimmer), but still, you gotta think long-term. Personally, I think it Pierzynski running over Barrett was clean. Barrett was blocking the plate, expecting a good throw. It's not Pierzynski's fault that Matt Murton's throw sucked balls and left him out to dry. If you want revenge on Pierzynski for whatever reason, LET A SCRUB DO IT! Let Will Oh Man He Sucks hit him with a pitch! Who gives a fuck if he gets suspended? Idiots. Morons. You guys wanna kick my dog while you're at it? (TM Cam Neely)
- On another bad sports note, Marcel Goc, Jonathan Cheechoo the Herky-Jerky Dancer, and the San Jose Sharks were rewarded for their fans' booing of the Canadian National Anthem by losing in 6 games to the Edmonton Oilers. It should be noted that at game 6 in Edmonton, the Oilers fans responded by giving the U.S. National Anthem a standing ovation. Now the Oilers lead the Anaheim Ducks 2 games to 0. Good on them and this concludes our Marcel Goc Watch for the season.
- On a better note, time for the Bend It Official Major League Baseball Player Dan Uggla Watch! Continuing his love for Bend It, Dan Uggla, one of the lone bright spots in his Marlins' 7-game losing streak, went 10-31 with 2 home runs and 4 RBIs, bringing him to .305 with 6 home runs and 21 RBIs. Since he's a second baseman, I'm mostly watching the average. And don't worry about that 7-game losing streak. The Marlins play the Cubs tonight, so that's a done deal.
- Back to A.J. Pierzynski for a second, while he wasn't at fault Saturday, another guy they could have take him out is the San Francisco Giants' trainer. Allegedly, while treating Pierzynski's groin injury and asking how he felt, Pierzynski kicked the trainer right in the bozak. http://sporlitics.blogspot.com/2006/05/thank-you-michael-barrett.html. Now that DOES deserve a good ass-kicking, but just in a different context and not by a guy the Cubs need on the field. Unfortunately, the White Sox and Giants don't play each other this season.
- Has anyone yet seen a commercial for a scripted show for this summer? Because watching commercials this past week just made me want to cry. A show with dating tips for 4 kinds of women? Thanks, ABC. So evidently you can watch Sex and the City without jokes or friendships. Nice. Dancing Without the Stars? Thanks, Fox. It's like every commercial I saw, movies included, was just one big commercial for Netflix. (Speaking of, I'm holding a 2-week coupon, but if anyone can hook me up with a month, I'll swap them some coffee).
- I'd like to name a front-runner for worst movie of the summer without seeing it. "The Break Up" with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston. Yeah, I want to see Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston fight over their shit and then decide to get back together. Oh wait. I think I'd rather watch Ryan Seacrest as King Lear. I've already lost pretty much all respect for Vince Vaughn just for banging Jennifer Aniston, and I'm sure as hell not going to watch what assuredly will be a harrowing display of tedious whining.
- Actually, I should start a contest to try to come up with a movie this summer that I actually want to see. Sorry, X-Men fans. I don't like comic book movies. Or Brett Ratner.
- I haven't quite decided whether this is funny or not. I know it's awful, but is it awful on purpose? Is it awful and thinks it's good but is still funny unintentionally because it thinks it's good and isn't? Is it so awful that it eclipses any potential humor? Do the rubber snakes (AWESOME) outweigh Maxim (stupid)? http://www.bestweekever.tv/2006/05/18/propped-snakes-on-a-plane-still-funny/.
- Allegedly, Paris Hilton wants to record a cover of Gnarls Barkley (also known as Cee-Lo (not to be confused with Skee-Lo) Green and Danger Mouse)'s "Crazy" on her upcoming potential album. http://www.thesuperficial.com/2006/05/22/paris_hilton_delays_album_agai.html. There is nothing I could say here that wouldn't detract from this.
- Hmm, evidently, as part of the Drinking and Writing society here in Chicago, they're having a 2-Drink Minimum writing contest. http://www.drinkingandwriting.com/wst_page6.html. I actually doubt I'd be a natural. Believe it or not, I've never drank while writing Bend It. And I don't think a recap of The OCk is really what this contest is looking for. However, if I were to know a few poets and nonfiction writers that inhabit Bend It ...
- So Starbucks mercifully finally took down all the Akeelah and the Bee shit in favor of summery promotions. Now they have bears dressed as golfers. And if you come into my store, you'll see they have nametags reading things like, "Cinderella Story. Out of Nowhere." I think my manager was so still upset at me for playing with a basset hound while I was supposed to be cleaning tables that he forgot to check the bears for nametags, so they still could be there. Seriously, 5 hours later, still mad. It was pretty impressive.
- Anyone who saw Desperate Housewives last night, aside from thanks for the last half hour perhaps only being almost tolerable because I watched my tape of The OCk earlier in the day, what the fuck was up with Susan's hair in that one flashback? It was an awful '80s straight-up frizz job, except the flashback was 12 years ago, so it would have been 1994. I have no idea what the rest of that scene was about because I couldn't unfocus myself from the hair. OK, so one other thing caught my attention. I'm so totally going to have to remember to name the American Presidents when the time comes.
- Speaking of The OCk, evidently, it still will be on next year, but at the same time as Grey's, which ABC moved to 9 (8 CT) on Thursdays to try to build up some other show on Thursdays. If I get a DVR between now and then, I'll most likely ... well, I haven't decided yet, but it'll get figured out. On a happier note, Veronica Mars was renewed for a third season on the combo UPN-WB. It will be on after Gilmore Girls, so just keep your TV on, 8yearoldsdude.
- OK, so I did see the season finale of Grey's. I didn't do the happy dance when Denny kicked it (root down, says the tradition for the OCk recaps) just because he lived long enough to make me sit through endless hours of crap. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy he's dead. But midseason wouldn't have hurt. I was surprised when I discovered that some people actually liked him. Maybe I was just being narrow-minded, but I will stick by my narrow-mindedness this time. 8yearoldsdude actually called it right that Izzie liked him for allegedly seeing the real her, whoever that is, but still. That was fucking ridiculous. And I laughed almost as hard at Denny's, "Izzie Stevens, I choose you" speech as her own last week. Not quite as much, but close. Regardless of whether Izzie's still on the show, she should have been kicked out just for sheer stupidity. I will admit to kind of liking everyone sticking up for her anyway, just because it made me think about what I'd do in their situation, and I generally have to stand behind anything that supports teamwork. Yeah, Alex definitely came off the best this episode. Who would have guessed? I had to take a couple metaphorical drinks for that. I liked Cristina freaking out because I thought that was really believable. I respect the show when they write stuff that would actually happen. I even thought that George's confession to Meredith that he knew what would happen and did it anyway was realistic and liked him better for it, even though he had whined for like 8 episodes straight and blamed it on her. At first I was like, "What the fuck? Trying to undo 8 weeks of how it was written?" But sometimes it takes perspective to actually realize why you do shit and you don't realize it at the time. I'll accept that. Dr. Webber's niece was also on Veronica Mars, bringing the total of 4 crossovers this season and 5 total if you count the chick whose fiance shoved her in front of the bullets last week who was on like 2 episodes in season 1. Did she not report her condition because she wanted a normal high-school experience and that made her worse, or would she have kicked it anyway? Nice to see Marla, or whatever her name is on Grey's, but she's still Marla from Boston Public. I thought the weakest part of the show BY FAR was Meredith's thing at the end. It's not even a "cliffhanger" from episode to episode. She's still going to leave with Chris O'Donnell and then go back to Dr. Shepherd later next season. But it's not a realistic decision just by normal logistics. Dr. Shepherd and Addison's marriage won't be over that night. So don't even try to sell me that moment as suspenseful. In addition to which, I don't care. Although I'm still trying to decide if I can buy pink hair Goth Meredith or not. She has the background for it, but not the temperament.
- Here's what I still want to know. One of the things I like about Grey's is that you don't like the characters all the time and on purpose. They fuck up, either realistically or ridiculously, and occasionally have some semblance of depth, even if a detractor could easily argue that "depth" is just inconsistent writing. But I want to know was the Izzie-Denny plotline conceived with the intention that we'd love it or hate it? Because as I think I've said before, if I was meant to hate it, then I give the show credit. If I was meant to love it, then they did an abysmal job with it.
- Finally, OK, so I have no idea who this guy is, aside from that he hangs out with Paris Hilton and makes fun of Lindsay Lohan's ... uh ... physicality on camera (yeah, we know, pot, kettle, Monica). But I'm convinced he's Denny's long-lost brother. http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/go_fug_yourself/2006/05/brandon_fuggis.html.

Stave it off, 1-2-3! Now you can count to three. (http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail110.html)