We can do it in the White House. Gonna make 'em turn the lights out. Champagne with my campaign
They see me rollin'. They hatin'. Patrollin' and tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty. Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty. Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty. Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty. Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty. Let's muse on the Tues! Also, let's never say that again.
- So I was in MD over Memorial Day weekend, getting some much-needed time out of Chicago, though not nearly enough. I'm certainly crossing my fingers hoping I don't immediately revert back to the same mood as last week. You ever get in one of those moods where everyone who runs into in the halls at work, you just want to elbow them in the face? On days like that, you really notice exactly how many people walk around with their heads down. Let me tell you, if you're a hockey player and you skate around with your head down, you're making Don Cherry's highlight tape.
- Speaking of oblivious walking, and god knows you see enough when you engage in air travel (Friday, I was playing a game of "Kinda Try to Hit Oblivious People in the Way With My Bag" and thinking to myself, "Wow, I really am an asshole"), Friday this chick was doing the Peg Bundy walk (for those not familiar, shuffle the feet, hands and boobs in all directions) down the aisle of the plane when she realized, a split second in time, that there was, in fact, a beverage cart, in the middle of the aisle. Yes, take a minute and replay this mental picture. There is nothing I could say here that wouldn't detract from this.
- I hit up a couple Washington Nationals games and had lunch with my best friend, Big Daddy Cool, Diesel. But I think for good or for ill, my most memorable hour was spent at a Yale alumni party intentionally nicknamed "Sausagefest." A full grill of hot dogs and bratwursts, a full cooler of Bud and Mad Dog 20/20, the latter of which enacted some sort of revenge on my left hand, a banana costume, beer funnels -- which say something about my mild existence that at 28, I'd never seen one in action -- and homoerotic behavior probably conceived as ironic that certainly went past the irony line into just plain homoerotic. (See Roll Bounce for equivalency). As in all-male jello wrestling and a guy walking around in hot dog briefs. And that was at noon. Sadly, there was no plasma TV showing Top Gun on loop. I never quite made up my mind whether it was funny or just plain disturbing, and I'm not sure that I will. And there were even a couple chicks there who probably said the password and were certainly glad it was a Yale rowing instead of a Duke lacrosse party.
- Speaking of Duke lacrosse, I want to admit that in Friday's comments, it was I who was commenting under the guise of "Ryan McFadyen." I generally don't resort to chicanery like that, since I could conceivably invent an entire posse of fake Tourists, who would all sound surprisingly like myself. The reason I did it was because that was initially going to be my open for the finale and when I found an open that was actually relevant to the episode, I cut it. But I realized, as a time-sensitive joke, it would be useless in November. So that's the story.
- Also speaking of Duke lacrosse, in their national semifinal loss to eventual national champion Northwestern, who will probably have their footwear inspected personally by Fox News upon their trip to the White House, the Duke women's lacrosse team worse wristbands inscribed with the numbers of the 3 indicted men's players along with headbands reading, "Innocent." Well, I'd say that was an admirable show of support, except what if they did it? At the very least these chicks would feel pretty fucking stupid.
- Of course, the Duke women's team can testify to the woman as to these three guys' character. Since they've probably all slept with all 3. "Your honor, they are all quite respectful with me. They took turns. They were even ribbed for my pleasure. The only broom I saw was because one of them wanted to know how much the average jizz-mopper makes (TM Clerks)."
- I'd also like to throw in that while they're going to get off anyway, and this certainly doesn't make him a rapist, there is that pesky arrest of the one dude for starting a fight with some dude by shouting homophobic slurs at him for like 5 minutes in DC. Like I said, it doesn't make him a rapist at all. But it does make the people who are all like, "Oh, these are all exemplary young men," look either oblivious or hypocritical. Evidently, everyone speaking in this man's defense knows rape is bad, but violent homophobia is something to be lauded. I bet he went to Catholic school.
- On a better sports note, it's time for the Bend It Official Major League Baseball Player Dan Uggla Watch! A solid week for our hero, especially against the Cubs. Not counting last night's game, since I usually do this on Mondays, in the previous week, he went 8-23 with a double, a triple, and 4 RBIs. He now stands at .311 for the year with 6 home runs and 25 RBIs. I think he deserves another cheer. CHEERLEADER! SO-AND-SO! WHAT'SHERFACE! THE UGGLA ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (http://www.homestarrunner.com/tgsmenu.html)
- An extra thought or too on the finale to Grey's Anatomy (hey, I have all summer). Of Meredith's "decision" at the end, I think Roseanne said it best when she said, "Find out who wins. Like you give a rat's [beeeeeeep]."
- Also, while dearly departed (the "dearly" is that he's departed), but certainly not forgotten from Bend It (wait until later this week or next), Denny has acquired the posthumous nickname, at least from me, of "McDirty." And no, I don't know how the writers dropped the ball on that one.
- Speaking of, what exactly constitutes "ridin' dirty?"
- As the open contest to find a movie I want to see this summer rolls on unsuccessfully, that doesn't mean I don't have comments on movies I don't want to see. First of all, the Bend It Owen Wilson Watch takes a special animated twist this weekend with "Cars." Owen Wilson "is" the voice of main "character" Lightning McQueen. The question, of course, as always, is that even as a disembodied voice, will he still yet again just play Owen Wilson?
- Another already answered question in the same vein in the same movie, the voice of a tow truck will be provided by none other than Larry the Cable Guy. The tow truck, believe it or not, says, "Git 'er done." I will now light myself on fire. (TM Bill Simmons).
- As if anyone wanted an update regarding the sight-unseen Bend It-anointed worst movie of the year, "The Break-Up." According to commercials, it also features the White Nate Newton himself, Jon Favreau. http://senorbeavis.blogspot.com/2006/03/junior-get-back-in-swamp.html). I know the bad karma I get from talking about this, but it's kinda relevant. I'm very sensitive about my weight and when I think I really look like shit, I will do anything to keep people from taking pictures of me. So I really wonder what Jon Favreau's take is on this. Since if I were him, I'd break every camera within a 100-mile radius. I wonder if he has one of those diseases that makes your body gain weight like a motherfucker (there are such things) and if so, then I'll feel like the biggest asshole ever. But I always liked Jon Favreau because he looked like a real guy, rather than a movie star. (Being a writer and director does tend to have that affect on people). You kinda feel like you'd have a chance with swing-dancing Heather Graham too. But I feel like I've lost him in a way since I can't relate to him anymore. Well, as 8yearoldsdude pointed out, he doesn't yet have an entire car full of weed. As far as we know.
- So I've now seen the date. Veronica Mars season 2 DVDs come out on August 22. Which is 2 days before my birthday. I think it's only fair that they should be hand-delivered by Kristen Bell, preferably wearing a hockey jersey.
- And finally, time for Senor Beavis' Fashion Corner! I know this is redundant, so it can't be a new review, but ladies, I know the weather is heating up. And I know the temptation is there. But PLEASE, do not wear your tube tops. They do not flatter any part of your body and do retinal damage to the rest of society. http://senorbeavis.blogspot.com/2005/06/what-feeling-i-am-music-now.html.) If you need to feel the wind on your shoulders, I suggest getting naked for a guy with a ceiling fan. I know of at least one. Secondly, should you be wearing your crop top with your low-rise jeans, therefore showing off your cheese lower back tattoo, please carry around a sufficiency of airsick bags for people like-minded to myself. (http://senorbeavis.blogspot.com/2004/11/he-keeps-them-all-hidden-so-his-boss.html). Thank you and enjoy your summer.
Cut the filthy rat's nest. Cut the mullet off your skull. Go down to the barbershop. Tell the man you're tired of looking like an asshole.
- So I was in MD over Memorial Day weekend, getting some much-needed time out of Chicago, though not nearly enough. I'm certainly crossing my fingers hoping I don't immediately revert back to the same mood as last week. You ever get in one of those moods where everyone who runs into in the halls at work, you just want to elbow them in the face? On days like that, you really notice exactly how many people walk around with their heads down. Let me tell you, if you're a hockey player and you skate around with your head down, you're making Don Cherry's highlight tape.
- Speaking of oblivious walking, and god knows you see enough when you engage in air travel (Friday, I was playing a game of "Kinda Try to Hit Oblivious People in the Way With My Bag" and thinking to myself, "Wow, I really am an asshole"), Friday this chick was doing the Peg Bundy walk (for those not familiar, shuffle the feet, hands and boobs in all directions) down the aisle of the plane when she realized, a split second in time, that there was, in fact, a beverage cart, in the middle of the aisle. Yes, take a minute and replay this mental picture. There is nothing I could say here that wouldn't detract from this.
- I hit up a couple Washington Nationals games and had lunch with my best friend, Big Daddy Cool, Diesel. But I think for good or for ill, my most memorable hour was spent at a Yale alumni party intentionally nicknamed "Sausagefest." A full grill of hot dogs and bratwursts, a full cooler of Bud and Mad Dog 20/20, the latter of which enacted some sort of revenge on my left hand, a banana costume, beer funnels -- which say something about my mild existence that at 28, I'd never seen one in action -- and homoerotic behavior probably conceived as ironic that certainly went past the irony line into just plain homoerotic. (See Roll Bounce for equivalency). As in all-male jello wrestling and a guy walking around in hot dog briefs. And that was at noon. Sadly, there was no plasma TV showing Top Gun on loop. I never quite made up my mind whether it was funny or just plain disturbing, and I'm not sure that I will. And there were even a couple chicks there who probably said the password and were certainly glad it was a Yale rowing instead of a Duke lacrosse party.
- Speaking of Duke lacrosse, I want to admit that in Friday's comments, it was I who was commenting under the guise of "Ryan McFadyen." I generally don't resort to chicanery like that, since I could conceivably invent an entire posse of fake Tourists, who would all sound surprisingly like myself. The reason I did it was because that was initially going to be my open for the finale and when I found an open that was actually relevant to the episode, I cut it. But I realized, as a time-sensitive joke, it would be useless in November. So that's the story.
- Also speaking of Duke lacrosse, in their national semifinal loss to eventual national champion Northwestern, who will probably have their footwear inspected personally by Fox News upon their trip to the White House, the Duke women's lacrosse team worse wristbands inscribed with the numbers of the 3 indicted men's players along with headbands reading, "Innocent." Well, I'd say that was an admirable show of support, except what if they did it? At the very least these chicks would feel pretty fucking stupid.
- Of course, the Duke women's team can testify to the woman as to these three guys' character. Since they've probably all slept with all 3. "Your honor, they are all quite respectful with me. They took turns. They were even ribbed for my pleasure. The only broom I saw was because one of them wanted to know how much the average jizz-mopper makes (TM Clerks)."
- I'd also like to throw in that while they're going to get off anyway, and this certainly doesn't make him a rapist, there is that pesky arrest of the one dude for starting a fight with some dude by shouting homophobic slurs at him for like 5 minutes in DC. Like I said, it doesn't make him a rapist at all. But it does make the people who are all like, "Oh, these are all exemplary young men," look either oblivious or hypocritical. Evidently, everyone speaking in this man's defense knows rape is bad, but violent homophobia is something to be lauded. I bet he went to Catholic school.
- On a better sports note, it's time for the Bend It Official Major League Baseball Player Dan Uggla Watch! A solid week for our hero, especially against the Cubs. Not counting last night's game, since I usually do this on Mondays, in the previous week, he went 8-23 with a double, a triple, and 4 RBIs. He now stands at .311 for the year with 6 home runs and 25 RBIs. I think he deserves another cheer. CHEERLEADER! SO-AND-SO! WHAT'SHERFACE! THE UGGLA ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (http://www.homestarrunner.com/tgsmenu.html)
- An extra thought or too on the finale to Grey's Anatomy (hey, I have all summer). Of Meredith's "decision" at the end, I think Roseanne said it best when she said, "Find out who wins. Like you give a rat's [beeeeeeep]."
- Also, while dearly departed (the "dearly" is that he's departed), but certainly not forgotten from Bend It (wait until later this week or next), Denny has acquired the posthumous nickname, at least from me, of "McDirty." And no, I don't know how the writers dropped the ball on that one.
- Speaking of, what exactly constitutes "ridin' dirty?"
- As the open contest to find a movie I want to see this summer rolls on unsuccessfully, that doesn't mean I don't have comments on movies I don't want to see. First of all, the Bend It Owen Wilson Watch takes a special animated twist this weekend with "Cars." Owen Wilson "is" the voice of main "character" Lightning McQueen. The question, of course, as always, is that even as a disembodied voice, will he still yet again just play Owen Wilson?
- Another already answered question in the same vein in the same movie, the voice of a tow truck will be provided by none other than Larry the Cable Guy. The tow truck, believe it or not, says, "Git 'er done." I will now light myself on fire. (TM Bill Simmons).
- As if anyone wanted an update regarding the sight-unseen Bend It-anointed worst movie of the year, "The Break-Up." According to commercials, it also features the White Nate Newton himself, Jon Favreau. http://senorbeavis.blogspot.com/2006/03/junior-get-back-in-swamp.html). I know the bad karma I get from talking about this, but it's kinda relevant. I'm very sensitive about my weight and when I think I really look like shit, I will do anything to keep people from taking pictures of me. So I really wonder what Jon Favreau's take is on this. Since if I were him, I'd break every camera within a 100-mile radius. I wonder if he has one of those diseases that makes your body gain weight like a motherfucker (there are such things) and if so, then I'll feel like the biggest asshole ever. But I always liked Jon Favreau because he looked like a real guy, rather than a movie star. (Being a writer and director does tend to have that affect on people). You kinda feel like you'd have a chance with swing-dancing Heather Graham too. But I feel like I've lost him in a way since I can't relate to him anymore. Well, as 8yearoldsdude pointed out, he doesn't yet have an entire car full of weed. As far as we know.
- So I've now seen the date. Veronica Mars season 2 DVDs come out on August 22. Which is 2 days before my birthday. I think it's only fair that they should be hand-delivered by Kristen Bell, preferably wearing a hockey jersey.
- And finally, time for Senor Beavis' Fashion Corner! I know this is redundant, so it can't be a new review, but ladies, I know the weather is heating up. And I know the temptation is there. But PLEASE, do not wear your tube tops. They do not flatter any part of your body and do retinal damage to the rest of society. http://senorbeavis.blogspot.com/2005/06/what-feeling-i-am-music-now.html.) If you need to feel the wind on your shoulders, I suggest getting naked for a guy with a ceiling fan. I know of at least one. Secondly, should you be wearing your crop top with your low-rise jeans, therefore showing off your cheese lower back tattoo, please carry around a sufficiency of airsick bags for people like-minded to myself. (http://senorbeavis.blogspot.com/2004/11/he-keeps-them-all-hidden-so-his-boss.html). Thank you and enjoy your summer.
Cut the filthy rat's nest. Cut the mullet off your skull. Go down to the barbershop. Tell the man you're tired of looking like an asshole.
posted by Senor Beavis @ 1:45 PM
1 Comments:
At 12:41 PM,
KJ Choi said…
So Meredith and Dr. Burke were on Oprah on Friday. And Ellen Pompeo (Meredith) told Oprah that she HATED the "pick me" speech. She was like "no woman should ever beg." So you're not alone in this thought.
I saw Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn at the Cubs game yesterday. Leave separately. They are obsessed with leaving separately, like we don't all know they are together. Anyway, that's yet another beauty of Wrigley is that there is no "secret" way out. You have to walk down the ramps and out the gate just like the rest of us drunk idiots...
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